Saturday, June 18, 2011


By Joyce Torby
10...So planning dinner wouldn't mean deciding between the drive-through for burgers and fries, or waiting an hour for pizza.

9...Because we lost our crock-pots in the kitchen...while we were cooking dinner in them!

8...Because we were tired of hanging up the world atlas and handing over darts whenever anybody asked "Where's the peanut butter?"

7...Because we didn't want to have our names legally changed to "Franny"

6...So we could tell they difference between the dog and the carpet

5...Because we weren't sure where the laundry stopped and the couch began

4...Because we couldn't find the white keys on the piano

3...So that having a sleepover at our houses wouldn't require helmets, safety equipment, and a liability release form

2...So that seeing a car pulling up in the driveway wouldn't require us to hide and pretend we're not home (and so the kids wouldn't play this hide-and-seek game at someone else's house, and when asked why, they would say, "'Cause we play it at home.")




...So that getting from one end of the house to the other doesn't qualify as training for the Olympic Hurdles Competition

...So running out of paper plates wouldn't mean eating off of Tupperware lids because every plate we owned was soaking the sink

...Because our sinks threatened to move to Marla's

...Because we wanted to know whether we had carpet or hardwood in the spare bedroom

...Because we were pretty sure we bought dining room tables, but fore the life of us, we couldn't remember what color they were, or where we put them

...Because our cats woke us up meowing and marching around with a sign that read, "Emptying the Litter Box is Not Optional!"

...Because when people came over, they just couldn't get "into" laundry-cushioned furniture as an element of interior decorating

...Because we were afraid of getting arrested for housing weapons of mass destruction in our fridges

...Because hopscotch is for playing outdoors, not in the hall during a middle-of-the-night trip to the bathroom

...Because our collections of petrified mops and sponges didn't earn us the fame and fortune we had planned on

...Because The Trouble with Tribbles Episode of Star Trek was based on real events occurring under our furniture

...So we could stop using the bathtub as a dishwasher

...So we would no longer have to shave the refrigerator ...and the sink

...So we could go to work clothed

...So our friends and relatives wouldn't have to attend dinner parties on our tiny outside the the snow

...So when company comes they wouldn't pull underwear (clean, of course) out of the seat cushions

...Our hamsters threatened to move out

...The Collier Brothers admired our decorating prowess. (The Collier Brothers were famous for their clutterholic ways. When they died, authorities had to search for three days through the clutter of their brownstone to find the bodies.)

...We lost our cats. They're here...somewhere

...So we could actually eat at the the dining table...instead of sitting cross-legged on the floor at the coffee table

...Because we heard that our refrigerators were going to be declared as rogue states, due to their biological weapons programs -- formerly known as leftovers

...So that you wouldn't have to make an appointment a week in advance to sit in our living rooms

...So we wouldn't have to inform our guests to wear light clothes so pet hair wouldn't show up when they sit on the furniture

...So when we told the kids we were eating at the table instead of the living room floor, we could hear "Oh, Cool!"

...Because the grocery store refused to sell us a Good Housekeeping Magazine

..So we could throw away our get-well cards instead of keeping them  handy to quickly display when unannounced visitors arrive

...So we'd stop finding year-old chicken in the BBQ when we cleaned it

...So our kids wouldn't have ready-made science experiments that they could grab straight from the fridge

...So our children could stop going to school naked

...So we could get Christmas put away before Valentine's Day

..So we could put the garbage out on garbage day, pay the bill on time, sign the permission slips, go to the right appointment on the right day at the right time...and not fall asleep before shining our si....zzzzZZZ

...To show our DHs the Love and Patience they have shown us over the years

...So we could have better than a C-home to live in

...So we could take down the flag, from college days, off the window and make draperies

...So instead of crouching over, using our knees to support our sewing machines, we could have them on a table...with a chair

...Because it was so easy to get distracted by the many fascinating things to do in (your State or Province here)!

We understand the Power of 15 Minutes!

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